just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
