hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
