PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
