"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
