Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
