Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
