So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
