but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
