you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize