shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize