In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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