we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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