Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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