I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
