Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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