I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
