chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
