sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
