hotel room ftw
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
