Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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