I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize