Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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