If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
