It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize