I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
