found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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