at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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