dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
