Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The air was thick with penises
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
