he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
