Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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