like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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