I seem to have left my pride at pride
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
