Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize