Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
