Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
