I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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