i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
