I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
from now on my penis is your penis
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
