like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
