Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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