I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
