I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize