Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
