As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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