Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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