That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
