i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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