I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
