Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
