i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
