So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
