I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
