Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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