idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
