I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
