Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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