as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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