Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
