My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
