my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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