I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
