No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
