The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
