adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She bit a glass in half.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
