we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
