Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize