Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
