the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
