i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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