Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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