Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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