It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
