This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
