We won't sleep together?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
