you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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