it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
