hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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