Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
