i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
