feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We had sex on a dog bed..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
