I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
