There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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