a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize