sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize