On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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