I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
