There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
