Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
