She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
