I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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