If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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