At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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