Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
smell my finger.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
