I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
