we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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