toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
