did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i want to swaddle you in tequila
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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