Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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