She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
