She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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