just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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