did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize