I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
