9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
