I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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